Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me a LOAN
Recently on a visit home from Yeshiva my son informed us that when the time arrives that he is ready to marry, there would be several fees involved. Upon the previous visit he informed us about FLOPS: flower, liquor, orchestra, photography and sheitel (wig for the bride) responsibilities to be paid by the groom side of the family. He is quite good about dropping these bombs on his innocent, unsuspecting, “baalei teshuva (return to orthodox), hard-working parents in small increments. He did not read us or provide any “fine print” or disclaimers regarding other hidden fees, although we are sure they were hidden somewhere in the conversation.
Anyway, this past visit he explained to us the matchmaker (shadchan) fee. Huh? But you won’t need a matchmaker, we explained. You are young, handsome and with great social skills and we will just “put the word out” when you are ready to date (OK, well maybe your not so religious relatives, Hassidic-modern orthodox-dog owning family and the fact that you have no career plans at this time might make you just a bit less of a marriage candidate).
He then explained that it really doesn’t matter. Even if a friend, rabbi, acquaintance or just homeless person off the street recommends a potential bride, you have to pay a matchmaker fee. Huh? Seriously? Am I hearing right? We actually pay someone who says "I know a nice girl for you?" Do you mean we owe back payment to the woman who set my husband and I up in 3rd grade to do our spelling assignment together? I mean where does it stop? Is there no honor anymore in word-of-mouth favors?
And he was not talking about a small fee. I mulled this all over in my head and decided that perhaps we needed to be doing some matchmaking ourselves as it was quite the lucrative business. But then I came up with an idea for the rest of the unsuspecting baalei teshuva parents out there, why not just set up an on-line service and by pass the matchmaker. We could call it lowfeematchmaker.com! For 49.99 you get as many dates as you need! I was informed that existed and that it was not the real-deal. At this point, I asked my son if he had considered eloping when the time comes. He looked at me with that look. He was not going to change the system. He knew he had time on his side. His mother would eventually come around…or provide a very untraditional fee/gift when (G-d willing) the time will come. I have been known to be quite creative. If nothing else, I know a cute girl next door.
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