Passover at Costco

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“Did you get your brisket yet from Costco?”

“No. I haven’t gone to the store yet.”

“Well, I was there on Sunday and the shelf was nearly cleaned out of all the kosher food by the time I arrived.”

Panic.

I figure I’d better wait a few days so they can restock the shelves. My strategy is to get there before the next weekend when the savages, I mean the other Passover shoppers, go. I aim for opening hour, 10 AM, on Thursday.

I get to the parking lot at 9:45. My only mission is to obtain a Meal Mart kosher for Passover premade brisket and return home unharmed.

I pull into the parking lot at 9:45, which gives me 15 extra minutes to delete as many emails as possible from my phone. At 9:52 I notice shoppers lining up in front of the store. Although I know they won’t crank open (and that is literal) the door until exactly 10:00 AM (why let customers in 3 minutes early?). I’m nervous seeing the other shoppers lining up, so I exit my car and walk to the front of the store.

I wait. I delete 3 more emails.

I eye the other shoppers. I scan the crowed looking for other Passover shoppers. I eye one lady and she eyes me back. I wonder if she’s going in for the Meal Mart brisket.

The doors open. The other lady and I approach the door opening at about the same moment. We smile at one another.  It’s fake.

We’re in.

I make a beeline straight for the kosher refrigerated section, though the allure of all the other merchandise is palpable. I could use a 500 pack of AA batteries or a 3 pack of 500 per bottle calcium tablets. Yet, I do not veer from my mission. I notice the other lady heads down a parallel isle. I decide to cut her off making a quick right and slipping down the middle of the clothing section. Those bathing suits look cute. Oh yeh, owning multiple bathing suits was in my past life. Am I going to beat her to the refrigerators? For some reason I just know she’s going for the same brisket.

I come out from the clothing isle just as she’s coming down the left center isle. I speed up. She speeds up. I dare not look her in the eye. My focus is intense. The refrigerator is just in reach.

Where is she?

Wake up, Ilana. You’re dreaming. You’re not in the move “Christmas with the Kranks.” And, you’re not going for a honey-baked ham.

I’m in front of the kosher refrigerator section at Costco and there are about 50 each of premade briskets, roasts, stuffed chicken, stuffed peppers, stuffed cabbage, broccoli soufflé and kugels. There is also enough wine, matzah, grape juice, gefilte fish and macaroons to feed a small country.

I grab my brisket and few other meals. Then I reach back and grab 3 meals for my mom and dad.

Now back to cleaning. I can relax now that my brisket is safe.

Happy Passover.