The Woman of Valor, or Volume

A Tale of Two Souls

I recently purchased a volumizer. Some of you may know what that is, but for those of you living in the sheltered world of normal hair wear, hats, snoods, tichels and scarfs, I’ll explain. A volumizer is a head covering with a soft cushion, somewhat like those pin cushions our mothers had in the 1970’s but 8 times larger, and it sits on the back of your head toward the top. The idea is to give volume to your head covering. When you see those women walking around with scarves on their heads that look really regal and proofed up, that is not their head that is shaped like a football, it’s a volumizer that is under their scarf.

Anyway, I just purchased my own. I tried it on and I can’t do it. I look like I grew a 2^nd head. I told my friends, it was too big and they said, “You? The one who wears tie-dye? You’re worried about your head being too big?”

So now I know what my friends really think about me, but at any rate, I like the look on other people, I just don’t think my head is ready for the volume. You see people take this head in stages.

Stage One: The hat. It covers the head but it’s subtle. Not too big of a change and you can just take it right off. It shows ambiguity or trying to fit in but just some of the time. I get that. It’s like dipping your toe in the pool instead of just taking the plunge. Easy does it, nice and slow.

Stage Two: The bandana/scarf. Looks cool. You’re now like a biker dudette. You can fit in but also can go hang out with the Harley Davidson guys. It’s easy on and easy off. Yes sometimes you look a bit shlumpy, but who cares? You’ve got your head covered.

Stage Three: The sheitel (aka wig). You’ve taken the plunge. You are covering your hair and you “look right.” No more worrisome hair days. You just put on the perfect look everyday. Plus you get to hang with just about anyone because who can tell your head is covered?

Stage Four: The VOLUMIZER! You have arrived. Your head says it all. You’re not trying to fit in, you are a woman of valor, I mean volume. You walk the walk and talk the talk. You are liberated to be frum and regal. Plus if you fall down backward or a big boulder falls off one of those cliffs your driving by on a curvy mountain road, your volumizer will protect your skull. It’s safer than a bike helmet and you’re rockin!

OK, maybe I’m getting carried away. I like my Israeli apron, covering thingy. It’s like a long sleeve t-shirt wrapped over my head. It reminds me of my camping days so if I’m feeling spiritually confused, I can just pretend I’m backpacking.  It’s technically called a mitpachat. It’s somewhere in between the Stage Two and Stage Four. Colorful yet discreet. I can wear it under my bike helmet or out on the town.  And it’s very low volume. Meanwhile, I've passed the Volumizer onto a friend. She thanked me for the "head pillow."

So here’s to you woman who can don the volumizer. You really rock! We are cheering you on and staying close by in case, you know, we need a pincushion or you fall over backwards.