What's Your Cut Off?
In this weeks parsha there is a discussion of taking "leftover women" from warring nations. It is explained that in order to take a "left-over woman" (not to be confused with left-over cattle) from a war, a man would need to first cut her hair and nails (make her look somewhat like a chemo-patient) and then if in 30 days a man is still attracted to her (deep inner beauty), he can then marry her (having truly fallen for her soul and not just her external features). My daughter doesn't quite get the nails part "Look at me (holding her hand out)...Do you still love me now? (sounds like a line from a romantic movie).
There definitely seems to be an obsession with hair in Judaism. As our rabbi said, "its the exodermic features that we are often discussing." We are either covering it or cutting it off. It seems like we're not really sure what its purpose is or what to do with it. One thing we know is that is attractive (or can be) to the opposite sex and we do many things to keep it attractive. We pretty much obsess over it. My sister-in-law for example, decided that her hair must be colored right before the high-holidays, as she surely cannot "pray with gray". I totally get that.
Hair can also determine your social status. In religious settings there is a social "cut-off" which determines with whom one might share a meal. The cut-off requires 3 obligations: 1) do you keep kosher? 2) are you shabbos observant? ....AND the biggest one.....3) do you (the woman of the house) cover your hair? The hair covering seems to be the one that can initiate you into the club, no matter what you do with the rest of your life. You are then a shoe-in and can be privileged to have guests of the highest religious observance in your home. There is no inquiry into the person’s attributes, behaviors, lifestyle, work habits, how they raise their children, etc. Now there is an assumption that a person meeting the 3 criteria will indeed model great characteristics, etc and often this is true, but the point being....that the point of entry is the status of ones hair....or head.
I have often pondered the focus toward hair and have swayed from respecting the laws around it, to total bewilderment as to how it can be such an obsession. Yet, I suppose if we weren't using hair as a social status, we would have found something else. These delineations start way back from the time we are young and whether we are in the "in" club or out. In my daughter's school there are clubs that use the first initials of girl's names such as: LARMS (please not that the M is silent as the girl with the M name joined later and has not established her letter to be pronounced and the A is not well liked but the group needs a vowel in their name). So we see that even without halacha we will establish social status and with it, well, we might just use it to do the same.
There definitely seems to be an obsession with hair in Judaism. As our rabbi said, "its the exodermic features that we are often discussing." We are either covering it or cutting it off. It seems like we're not really sure what its purpose is or what to do with it. One thing we know is that is attractive (or can be) to the opposite sex and we do many things to keep it attractive. We pretty much obsess over it. My sister-in-law for example, decided that her hair must be colored right before the high-holidays, as she surely cannot "pray with gray". I totally get that.
Hair can also determine your social status. In religious settings there is a social "cut-off" which determines with whom one might share a meal. The cut-off requires 3 obligations: 1) do you keep kosher? 2) are you shabbos observant? ....AND the biggest one.....3) do you (the woman of the house) cover your hair? The hair covering seems to be the one that can initiate you into the club, no matter what you do with the rest of your life. You are then a shoe-in and can be privileged to have guests of the highest religious observance in your home. There is no inquiry into the person’s attributes, behaviors, lifestyle, work habits, how they raise their children, etc. Now there is an assumption that a person meeting the 3 criteria will indeed model great characteristics, etc and often this is true, but the point being....that the point of entry is the status of ones hair....or head.
I have often pondered the focus toward hair and have swayed from respecting the laws around it, to total bewilderment as to how it can be such an obsession. Yet, I suppose if we weren't using hair as a social status, we would have found something else. These delineations start way back from the time we are young and whether we are in the "in" club or out. In my daughter's school there are clubs that use the first initials of girl's names such as: LARMS (please not that the M is silent as the girl with the M name joined later and has not established her letter to be pronounced and the A is not well liked but the group needs a vowel in their name). So we see that even without halacha we will establish social status and with it, well, we might just use it to do the same.
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